Favoritism Is a Leadership Cancer: Your Double Standards Are Showing

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what real leadership looks like, not the buzzword-heavy, performative kind, but the kind that actually holds a team together when things get hard. For me, good leadership starts with one principle: everyone under your care should feel heard, respected, and secure. Not just the squeaky wheels. Not just the star performers. Everyone.

That belief might sound basic, but in practice, it’s rare. Too often, leadership gets distorted by ego, convenience, or favoritism. And I’ve seen firsthand what happens when favoritism takes root. The damage is quiet at first, a little side eye here, a disengaged team member there, but it grows like a cancer. Eventually, it tears at the fabric of trust. People start to assume they don’t matter, that their ideas aren’t worth sharing, that decisions are made behind closed doors. And when people feel invisible, they stop showing up in meaningful ways.

A leader cannot afford that. Because once a team feels unequal, the mission suffers.

My friend Matthew Hutcheson just wrote an article in Brainz Magazine, that hit me right in the chest: “Protective Leadership Is Needed When the Mob Demands a Scapegoat.” In it, he writes about how true leaders don’t just direct from above, they shield from harm. They take the heat. They step between their people and the pitchforks when things go wrong (Hutcheson, 2025). That image stuck with me because I’ve been in rooms where leaders did the opposite. They looked for someone to blame to save face. That’s not leadership. That’s abandonment.

Real leadership is protective. Not coddling, but courageous. You create a culture where people can speak freely without fearing backlash. That’s psychological safety, and it’s not just a feel-good concept, it’s a measurable advantage. Teams with high psychological safety are more innovative, more committed, and more productive (Edmondson, 1999).

But that safety breaks the moment favoritism is introduced. When leaders play favorites, whether intentionally or unconsciously, they undermine everything. The team stops feeling like a team. And the fallout isn’t just emotional; it’s operational. Research shows that employees who perceive favoritism are more likely to disengage and less likely to trust leadership (Harvard Business Review, 2019). It’s like pouring sugar in a gas tank, you might still get a few miles, but the damage builds fast.

I’ve had to learn, sometimes the hard way, that consistency is more powerful than charisma. Being fair beats being liked. People don’t need you to be their best friend, they need to know you’ll have their back, hold the line, and keep the rules the same for everyone. Leadership expert Patrick Lencioni wrote that the most cohesive teams are the ones where accountability is mutual, and the fear isn’t of punishment, it’s of letting each other down (Lencioni, 2002). That only works if leadership is anchored in integrity.

That means no favorites. No special deals. No exceptions that erode the standard. If one person gets a pass, others feel it. If one voice dominates every decision, others go silent. When leaders show up differently for different people, they stop being predictable and predictability is the foundation of trust.

Protective leadership also means making space for every voice. Not everyone is going to be loud. Some of the best ideas come from the people who don’t speak until they know they’re safe to. That’s why I try to lead with questions, not just directives. “What do you think?” “What are we missing?” “Is there something you’re not saying yet?” It’s not about agreeing with everyone it’s about showing that every perspective is valued.

And when the pressure’s on, because it always is, the real test is how a leader reacts. Do you lash out or listen harder? Do you deflect blame or take responsibility? Do you protect your team, or throw someone under the bus to save your ego? The article by Hutcheson reminds us that leadership means stepping into the fire so others don’t have to. Not forever, but in that crucial moment when it counts the most (Hutcheson, 2025).

We live in a culture that often glamorizes leadership while ignoring the responsibility it carries. I don’t buy into the idea that leadership is about control or recognition. To me, leadership is service. Stewardship. It’s about lifting up others, even when it’s hard and even when no one’s clapping for you. That’s what separates those who wear the title from those who earn it.

So here’s what I try to hold myself to, and what I believe every leader should commit to: no favorites. No scapegoats. No silence when a voice needs lifting. Every person on your team should know they matter, not just when things are going well, but especially when they’re not.

Because when people feel protected, respected, and heard, they do more than just show up. They thrive. And when they thrive, the mission thrives.

References

Branham, L. (2005). The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave: How to Recognize the Subtle Signs and Act Before It's Too Late. AMACOM.

Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological Safety and Learning Behavior in Work Teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350-383.

Harvard Business Review. (2019). Why Favoritism at Work is More Dangerous Than You Think. HBR.org.

Hutcheson, M. (2025). Protective Leadership Is Needed When the Mob Demands a Scapegoat. Brainz Magazine.

Kets de Vries, M. (2006). The Leadership Mystique: Leading Behavior in the Human Enterprise. FT Press.

Lencioni, P. (2002). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. Jossey-Bass.

Northouse, P. G. (2021). Leadership: Theory and Practice (9th ed.). Sage Publications.